Big Sister

Dear Gabriella,

About two months ago, we found out that you were going to be a big sister.  It came as such a surprise and a shock to us.  In fact, I don't think your dad truly believed it until he saw your new baby brother/sister's heartbeat on the ultrasound.  As soon as I found out, I told your dad, "Gabriella is going to be such a good big sister.  When she's old enough, she's going to be so helpful, and I just know that she will be so sweet to her younger sibling."  He replied, "How could you possibly know that?  She's only five months old."  I told him that I knew you would be because you have such a sweet, wonderful personality, and I believe you will carry that with you for the rest of your life.

This experience has caused me to reflect on why Heavenly Father made us wait until after we adopted you to get pregnant.  Many people have told me, "Oh look, all you needed to do was stop stressing and then you got pregnant," but I don't believe that is true.  I feel very strongly that Heavenly Father was waiting for you to come into our lives.  He knew that you were the spirit and body that needed to be in our family at this time.  If I had been able to get pregnant, we would not have been able to adopt.  I have also wondered, "If you were meant to come to our family, why didn't Heavenly Father just help me get pregnant and put your spirit into that body?"  Well, I have several answers for that.  One reason is that he knew that your birthmother would become pregnant when she did.  He knew that she would look into placing her baby for adoption.  He knew that she was the perfect birthmother for us and we were the perfect adoptive couple for her.  As I have told you before, she has always felt like a part of our family.  Another reason is that you have your birthparents DNA, their genes.  I believe you got your sweet, loving temperment from your birthmother.  Your beautiful personality is a perfect fit for our family, and I don't know if you would have had that same personality had you been given our genes.  I also believe that your father and I learned a lot from the experience of waiting patiently for you.  We learned to have faith in your Heavenly Father's plan for us.  We learned from the sacrifice of your birthmother, and it strengthened our testimony of the atonement and the sacrifice our Savior made for us.  I also learned humility and that I should not expect or feel entitled to any of the blessings that I have, but I should feel grateful for all that I have been given.

You have taught us so much in just your short life, and we are so grateful to have you in our family.  Thank you for being such a good baby.  You sleep well, and you eat well, and you are so happy all the time.  I do know that you will be an amazing big sister, and I am so excited for all of the joys and challenges that will come with this adventure.  I love you lots.

XOXOXO,
Mom

A Tribute to Gingers

Dear Gabriella,

Everywhere we go, people stop and say, "Where did she get that beautiful red hair from?"  My standard answer is, "Extended family," since the real answer would be entirely too long and complicated.  In case you didn't already know, your birthmother and father were both blondes (even though your birthmother dyes her hair red).  Your maternal birth grandmother (Lynda) said that her brother (your birth uncle) had red hair just like yours.  Clear as mud, right?  Anyway, this is a tribute to some of my favorite celebrity redheads in honor of my own little redhead of whom I am a huge fan.

Some of my Favorite Actresses (who also happen to be beautiful redheads)

Marcia Cross
OK, so I haven't watched her show, but I still think she's beautiful!

Debra Messing
Hilarious!

Julia Roberts
The movie is appropriately named "Pretty Woman"
(One of my favorite movies of all time too)

Amy Adams
So likeable in everything she's in

One of my Favorite Musicians

Tori Amos
I used to have almost all of her CDs in high school,
and I would listen to them over and over again.

Some of my Favorite Comedians

Carol Burnett
"We love you Miss Hannigan"

Lucille Ball
A Legend

Conan O'Brien
LOL

And my Favorite Redhead of all




Your Grammy said that her mother (your great-grandmother) would have picked you for our home because all of her siblings were redheads.  Your Grammy also loves redheads and was delighted to have a redheaded granddaughter.  I too am overjoyed with my adorable redhead.  Ahhh, I hope it stays that way forever.

Love,

Mom

The Hitchiker and the Tuna Fish Sandwich

Dear Gabriella,

The Friday before you were born, your dad was working the checkpoint with his dog Cabo.  As usual, I had made him a tuna fish sandwich with his lunch.  However, on that particular day, they were having a barbeque at the checkpoint, so your dad decided to have the BBQ instead of his tuna sandwich. 

While he was checking the cars for drugs and illegal aliens, he noticed that there was a homeless man walking through the checkpoint.  The man stopped and talked to the agents and told them that he had walked all the way from Oregon, and he was on his way to Phoenix to visit some family members.  Seeing that the man was probably in need of a meal, your dad offered him his tuna fish sandwich.  The man thanked your dad and continued on his way.

As you know, on Saturday, the next day, we received the call that we had been chosen by your birthmother.  We scheduled an appointment to meet your birthmother on Monday.  On Monday afternoon, your father and I are driving to Black Canyon when your dad exclaims, "Hey, there's the homeless man I saw at the checkpoint the other day.  Can we stop and give him a ride?"  I said that I didn't mind as long as he thought the man was harmless.  Your dad pulls over and shouts, "Hey!  Do you remember me?  I gave you my tuna sandwich at the checkpoint."  The man remembered him, and thanked us for the ride. 

When he got into the car, your dad made sure that the man knew that your father had his gun on him and wasn't afraid to use it to protect himself and his family.  The man assured us that he was peaceful and was just grateful for the ride.  (Walking for miles in the middle of August in Arizona must have been trying on his body.)  The man was pleasant and told us of the places he had been and how long it took him to walk to each place.  Although I was listening to his tales, I was continuously destracted by the smell of alcohol that must have been seeping through his pores.  Not to mention the smell of body odor that one would naturally accumulate walking for miles in 115 degree weather without a regular shower.  I was trying to be polite, but I was also somewhat nauseous.  I think I even rolled my window down for a while, although the hot air did not seem to help.
 
We dropped off the traveler at a gas station in Goodyear (I think), and I was grateful to have some fresh air again.  I thought it was sweet the way your dad wanted to help that man that he had only met once before. I also thought it was strange that he would want to pick up a hitchiker on his way to meeting your birthmother, but it makes for a good story.



Here's a picture of him leaving our car at the gas station.

 Love,
Mom

The Fish I Loved to Death

Dearest Gabriella,

I thought I would let you know some funny stories about me when I was younger.  By the time you receive this letter, you may have heard this story many times, but that's only because it's a good one!  In all honesty, I don't remember this incident, but because the story has been told so many times, I think I remember it.

When I was about three or four years old, I loved animals.  I used to know, by name, every dog and cat in the neighborhood.  I used to knock on our neighbors' doors and ask if I could play with their animals.  Now I understand why many of my neighbors used to pretend they weren't home.  It didn't help that my mother is allergic to almost all animals, so we had virtually no pets growing up until my teenage years.

One day we went to a fair, and they had one of those booths where you would throw the ping pong ball into the fish bowl and win a fish.  One of my family members won a fish (I can't remember who), and I was so excited!  I didn't care that it was just a fish because I finally had a pet of my very own.  I wanted to show this fish how much I loved it, so I held the bag up to my cheek and gave the fish a big hug.  Apparently, the hug was a little too big and the fish's eyeballs were found floating in the water shortly thereafter.

This story of me killing the fish became so famous that about twenty years later I saw a boy from my old neighborhood who recognized me and exclaimed, "Shelley Platt: killed the fish."  I will try to be more gentle with my hugs to you, but next time you think of crossing me . . . remember the fish.  I give a whole new meaning to the phrase, "Kill them with kindness."

Love,

Mom

Your Birthmother

Dear Gabriella,

After you were born, your father and I spent two full days in the hospital with your birthmother.  The day after you were born, your birthmother pulled me aside to talk to me.  She let me know that she was sure she had done the right thing by placing you with us because she saw how much we loved you.  Even though she knew she had made the right decision, she had some concerns.  Her biggest concern was that you were going to grow up to hate her.  She worried that you would resent her for giving you to us.  She wondered if you would question why she kept her first two children but placed you with us.  Here is my reply to her:

Gabriella will never hate you because I will teach her to love you.  I will tell her that you loved her so much that you gave her to us.  You wanted her to be raised in a good home with a loving mother and father.  You wanted her to have a better life than you could give her right now. I have nothing but feelings of love for you, and whenever I talk to Gabriella about you, that is what she will feel: my love for you. 

Rachelle, you are one of the kindest, most considerate people I know.  I feel so blessed that my daughter will have your blood flowing through her veins because you are a good person.  I hope that Gabriella grows up to be as giving and unselfish as you are.

Your birthmother offered to answer all of your questions when you have them some day.  Your middle name is after your birthmother because I would be very pleased if you grew up to have her heart.

Love,
Mom

Worth the Wait

Dear Gabriella,

I have been thinking for the past seven weeks about how to tell you the story of how you came into our family. After mulling it over, I have decided to just go ahead and write your story and not stress about whether or not my writing is the most eloquent and touching. I do not know how old you will be when you will read and understand these letters, but I know these thoughts and feelings will escape me if I wait too long. My desire is for you to know the joy I have felt since you came into my life and each moment after that.

Before I can tell you about your birthday, I have to tell you about when we first began planning for you. Your father and I were married on May 27th of the year 2000. Even though I wanted children, I was determined to finish college before starting a family. We lived in a very small apartment that we could barely afford, and we both worked and went to school full time. I knew that I wanted to finish school before becoming a mother.

In 2004, I graduated from college. We were still poor and working, but we wanted to have a family. We knew that if Heavenly Father wanted us to have a family, He would provide a way for us to support our family. So, with faith, we began trying for a baby.

At first we thought it would be easy. Everyone around us would decide to have a baby, and the next month or two they were pregnant. Why would it be any different for us? So every month we would hope and pray that I would get pregnant, but each month we were disappointed. The doctors made us try for one year before they would do any tests or help us.

After one year of trying, the doctors began doing tests. They used all different methods to try to help me get pregnant, but none of them worked. Each time we would try a new test, I would think, "This is going to work. I will give it just a few months, and I will finally get to be a mom." After four more years of being poked and proded, four more years of having my hopes and desires crushed, we decided to stop seeing the doctors. I admit that I began to wonder if I would ever have the opportunity to become a mother. I felt discouraged and frustrated. I thought to myself, "Does Heavenly Father think I won't be a good mother? Did I miss my chance because I waited to start a family?" I realized later that these thoughts were Satan's tools of keeping me in a state of despair.

For comfort, I would read my patriarchal blessing. In the blessing, it states that I will "lead my children to become righteous sons and daughters of God." I always had to remind myself of these words when I would feel hopeless at the prospect of becoming a parent. Later in the blessing, it reads that I will "look forward with anticipation to the birthing process and even the pain associated with bringing new life into the world." Even though I had read these passages many times before, I had not noticed the placement of these phrases until many years later. I thought it was strange that Heavenly Father would tell me all about being a mother at the beginning of my blessing, but wait until the end of the blessing to talk about my labor pains. I realized that there was a reason for this placement. I received a strong impression that I was supposed to adopt. Your father and I discussed it and prayed about it, and he too received revelation that adoption was the answer for us.

We began filling out the initial paperwork in the summer of 2009. By July of 2010, the paperwork was complete and our profile was online for birthmothers all across the United States to look at. We had several birthmothers contact us, but none of them felt right. Even though we were so eager to become parents, we knew that none of these women were the right match for us. Until the morning we received the best phone call of our lives.

On Saturday, August 21st, 2010 at 4:30 in the morning, our caseworker Hannah called us. She told us of a birthmother who was going into labor. She said that the birthmother had chosen us to be the adoptive parents, and we were to drive to Phoenix and pick up the baby. At first, I could not believe it. All this time of waiting, and suddenly I get to be a mom? Just like that? Then I started to panic. I had not prepared for this. All we had was a carseat, a baby monitor, and a swing. I had no diapers, wipes, clothes, bottles, formula, etc. Fortunately, Hannah called back about a half an hour later and told us that it was false labor, and the doctors had sent her home. However, the birthmother did want to meet us for dinner on Monday, August 23rd. That same Saturday, we drove to San Diego and filled a shopping cart full of baby items (with the help of our moms: your Grammy and Nana).

On the car ride to meet the birthmother Rachelle, we discussed all of the questions and concerns we had. Your father had a list of conditions that he wanted to address with her before accepting the offer. We were both nervous and scared. "What if she meets us and doesn't like us? What if the conversation is awkward and uncomfortable? What if she is a bucked-toothed stalker that will be knocking on our door for the next twenty years?" With all of these thoughts and questions in our heads, we walked into the restaurant filled with apprehension. As soon as we saw Rachelle, we embraced as though we were old friends. From the moment of that first embrace, I felt an overwhelming peace that resonated throughout my body. This was the birthmother we had been waiting all this time for. We all sat and talked, and the conversation was easy and comfortable. She melted all of our fears away so much that there was no need for a list of demands or strange questions. At the end of our meeting, she told us that she would like us to be the parents of her baby girl. Even though I had received a spiritual confirmation, hearing those words was like hearing the singing of angels. My heart was so full, but yet so light at the same time.

You were scheduled to be born on August 31st, but your birthmother was going to have a doctor's appointment on Thursday the 26th, which she invited us to attend with her. However, your father knew that you were going to be born early, and I knew that you weren't going to be born until your scheduled date. Your father, as usual, was right. He decided that we needed to drive to Phoenix on Wednesday because he was sure that you were going to be born on Thursday. We packed our bags and got in the car. We stopped at a friend's home to drop off our dog Madi, and sure enough, we received several calls informing us that Rachelle had gone into labor. Your dad broke many traffic laws so that he could make it there on time to see you being born.

We arrived at the hospital around 10:00pm on Wednesday night. The delivery room we were in was so cold because the thermostat was broken, so it was about 50 degrees in the room. All of us were underneath the blankets doing our best to stay warm. Your birthmother had received an epidural by that time, and she was feeling much better. We all fell asleep, but the nurses came in around 4:00 am and woke us up to tell us that it was time. Your birthmother began trembling because she was afraid of the pushing part of labor. I think you gave her a little gift because she did not have to push at all. You just slipped right out as if you were coated in butter. You were born at 4:13 am on Thursday, August 26, 2010. From the moment you were born, and even before that, I was totally and completely in love with you. I never knew that I could love someone so much that I had never really met. You were also an incredibly beautiful baby. Your skin was so soft and smooth. Your father loves to point out that your skin was not wrinkly and your head was perfectly shaped. (He said it over and over when we were in the hospital.) We followed the doctors around with tears of joy as they were measuring you and cleaning you. Our prayers had finally been answered. I knew that this was the perfect daughter of God for our family, and you came at the perfect time too.

There were so many other parts to your birthday that I have yet to share with you, and I will in other letters. The one thing I want to leave you with is what I learned from this experience. I learned that my Heavenly Father knows me and loves me. He loves me enough to give me what I need and not what I want. He loves me so much that He gave me you. It is my prayer that you will always know that your Father in Heaven loves you and that you will always love Him, even when He doesn't give you what you want when you want it. Some things are worth the wait.

Love,
Mom