The Fish I Loved to Death

Dearest Gabriella,

I thought I would let you know some funny stories about me when I was younger.  By the time you receive this letter, you may have heard this story many times, but that's only because it's a good one!  In all honesty, I don't remember this incident, but because the story has been told so many times, I think I remember it.

When I was about three or four years old, I loved animals.  I used to know, by name, every dog and cat in the neighborhood.  I used to knock on our neighbors' doors and ask if I could play with their animals.  Now I understand why many of my neighbors used to pretend they weren't home.  It didn't help that my mother is allergic to almost all animals, so we had virtually no pets growing up until my teenage years.

One day we went to a fair, and they had one of those booths where you would throw the ping pong ball into the fish bowl and win a fish.  One of my family members won a fish (I can't remember who), and I was so excited!  I didn't care that it was just a fish because I finally had a pet of my very own.  I wanted to show this fish how much I loved it, so I held the bag up to my cheek and gave the fish a big hug.  Apparently, the hug was a little too big and the fish's eyeballs were found floating in the water shortly thereafter.

This story of me killing the fish became so famous that about twenty years later I saw a boy from my old neighborhood who recognized me and exclaimed, "Shelley Platt: killed the fish."  I will try to be more gentle with my hugs to you, but next time you think of crossing me . . . remember the fish.  I give a whole new meaning to the phrase, "Kill them with kindness."

Love,

Mom